Saturday, November 04, 2006

Asian & Lonely by Mark Anthony Given


            DATELINE MONROE, LOUISIANA October 30, 2006 (This story is out of order but I got to get it down while I’m still shit’n my pants!) Two crazy kids picked me up just south of Jackson, Mississippi about 10 am and took me on the ride of my life. The driver a crazy bastard named ASIAN busted right out laughing when I said “You look fuck’n Asian!” After he told me his name. “I’m half Korean and half something else, I forget”...and handed me a fat blunt as soon as I got in the car. The passenger, some squirley little fucker named Lonely I think, I couldn’t see him too good sitting behind him with my bag next to me. “I hear Koreans eat dogs” I said, laughing...Asian, says...”You fuck’n right! I ate my neighbor’s dog after he bit my little sister a few months ago! No shit put some BBQ sauce on that bad boy and called the relatives over for a real chow down!” “Your fuck’n kidding me?” “No I’m not.”

       THESE TWO CRAZY bastards were so messed up they was supposed to drop me off in Jackson when they turned off of I-55 to go west on I-40 but somehow got us lost in downtown Jackson, Mississippi in broad daylight. We were driving around in circles lost when right out of the blue the crazy ASIAN bastard says. “This looks like a great place for a “drive-by-slapping”. What the hell is that I’m thinking, when this little Lonely fucker rolls the window down hangs half out the car while its moving and bitch slaps some business man waiting cross the street in downtown Jackson!  Oh Shit!      FOR NO APPARENT REASON ASIAN stomps on the gas and were flying thru rush hour traffic and just when I thought we were almost back to normal I hear police sirens and see flashing blue lights coming from behind us. This crazy ASIAN bastard stomps on it again and were weaving in and out of traffic and when we come to a red light with cars ahead of already stopped; we were going too fast and he slams on the breaks and I remember going thru a busy intersection sliding sideways going the wrong way on the highway!!         This crazy bastard was driving like Mario Andretti weaving thru traffic, crossing the center lane into oncoming traffic going nearly hundred miles an hour when he slams on the brakes and eases into a Chevron station next to the on ramp of the interstate and pulls around back just as a whole flank of state police, city police, sheriff’s office blow right by us....he never even comes to a stop and eases on to the highway and on to the on ramp heading 40 west like we was supposed to be going, driving like my grandfather does..

        I was too scared to get out of the car and wound up going hundred miles out of my way and they dropped me off at the worst exit ever in START, LOUISIANA with nothing but cops and prisons vans getting on the highway. Took me seven hours to get a ride out there!! The two crazy bastards were supposed to go to this web blog site and stay in touch but I never heard from them!



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