Friday, June 23, 2017

The World's Worst Driver of All Time by Mark Anthony Given


                    I HAD THIS guy pick me up hitch hiking one time down south who turned out to be The World's Worst Driver of All Time.  Late 90's pick up truck with beat up Mississippi plates with four on the floor and a fifth under the seat...
             THE FIRST COUPLE of times he did it I thought he just made a mistake, he was nervous, or he was just plain stupid and a bad driver.  Not this idiot.  Whenever, and every time we came to a STOP sign he would almost come to a complete stop like your supposed too, and then ease out into the middle of oncoming traffic, and suddenly stop dead center of the road.  Half, turned, and half didn't. A fifth of Traveler's Remedy or banged up bottle of Southern Comfort rolled out from under the seat and got wedged under the brake right before I was fixing to throttle him to let me out.  Broad daylight middle of the afternoon, not a cloud in the sky and no rain in sight after nearly causing a four car pile up we battered down the road at probably thirty forty miles an hour because someone set the idle too high.  Swerving in and out of traffic on this busy back lane road heading for a major intersection.  Fuck me.  We were going too fast to hop out and I knew it was a matter of time before gravity came calling and this was probably gonna hurt...   I found out later,
THE DEATH WISH DRIVER didn't drink;  The fifth under the seat was for his passengers....

To be continued...
10:32 AM 6/24/2017